Natural Decay

30 Seconds to Mars lyrics leave plenty to be desired (I love them, but in terms of lyrical depth, Jared doesn’t always do it for me), but Closer to the Edge is a really powerful song. Definitely one of my favourites. And it reminds me that the final line-up for Soundwave is spectacular, but I won’t go on about another live show for awhile. I need to find more topics to talk about.

Today is the motherland’s National Day. It’s also the day Nagasaki got bombed in 1945, which is something I find so bittersweet. Singapore gets the liberation, Nagasaki is trapped. Sometimes I get so conflicted that I don’t know what to feel.

As usual, there is a lack of cohesion. I’ve actually tried to write a real, collected blog entry for days and have failed very miserably. I always go off on tangents, and never end up with anything substantial. Half the time, I finish and forget what I’d intended for the entry in the first place. So it’s best to just go with the flow. Let’s make something disjointed.

If I ever met a clone of myself, I might shoot her. I’m not as angsty about myself as I used to be (on most days), but honestly, what do my friends see? Am I more annoying than I think? What should I do about that? I don’t really want to know what people think of me too much of course. The brutal honesty of it might murder us all. We’re all so imperfect and I don’t want to be swallowed up by those imperfections (knowing me, I would if someone had made them all known). But I’ve been particularly hateful towards people these days — all kept in my head of course — and I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not exactly low maintenance. I guess on some days, having to keep up with friendships is just hard and I wonder why the fuck I bother. I try so hard to please all my friends that I end up with a lacklustre response from all of them. I don’t want anybody to be left out, but I know nobody has the exact same tastes all the damn time. It doesn’t make me any less guilty about my inability to capacitate and engage all of them though. It’s not an issue that can be resolved of course. I just have to try my best. Today, I almost gave up on it.

I think I just miss my family back home a bit too much at the moment — even all my friends in Singapore because of what we’ve built together. I miss being able to talk to them about so many things. I miss feeling heard.

WARNING: Extremely word-heavy. I hope you’re happy, Ana ;)

I don’t know if anybody else gets this feeling, but after I see a live show, I come home feeling like I don’t know what to do with myself. It seems pathetic, but I go, “What is my life now?” after a show ends because I get so pumped about it and I revolve my life around preparing to go to something so epic. Basically, I make a big deal out of it. But who wouldn’t?

Anyway, my experience with Thirty Seconds to Mars last night was just that. An experience. It was one of the biggest fucking experiences in my life. I definitely did not anticipate half of what happened there last night, because I honestly don’t have experience with these sorts of things. I can say now that I don’t regret a single moment, even though I honestly felt like I was going to die during the concert itself. Recounting it minute to minute is hard, since everything is a blur — it all went by too quickly! — but I’ll try my best, mainly because I want to remember last night for what it was: amazing.

So I went to the show with two of my friends, Michelle and Mario, both are big enough Mars fans to actually be completely ecstatic about going, so we were pretty pumped up the entire day. We had school in the morning/early afternoon, but obviously it was hard to concentrate, at least on my part. I kept thinking about the possibilities of being a part of such an epic show (I knew it was epic since This Is War is just that kind of record that will work perfectly live) with people who were equally excited. We weren’t exactly early when we arrived — we got lost thanks to me actually — but when we made it there the queue hadn’t stretched too far. I don’t know what we expected, but there were people there who’d been waiting since the morning. We were still pretty lucky.

Standing around waiting outside was the usual fare: boring, aching feet, restlessness, listening in on other people’s conversations unintentionally, observing how other fans dressed. We wanted to do our faces with “war paint” and it turned out that we were the only ones who actually bothered with that. That was pretty rad. When we finally got in, we sneaked water into the venue since the security was being a bitch and making everybody throw their water out. That is actually the worst rule I’d ever heard of since everybody knows how dehydrated you can get during concerts and the water the security passes around is hardly enough. But I digress. We went inside and got excited because when we got in, we managed to get really close to the stage.

This was experience numero uno: I’d never been this close to a stage at a rock show before. I hadn’t even been a part of a real mosh pit. So I was basically so excited I nearly wet myself. We were squished in with a bunch of people, but while waiting everyone was okay. Just taking photos, photo-bombing, throwing trash around, (probably) getting drunk, the works. Nothing special. We waited for a fair bit indoors for the opening band.

They were called The Art, and they were a local Sydney band if I heard right. They reminded me of Escape the Fate a lot, with their clothes, hair, screaming, and other basic musicalities. They had a female bass player, which caught everyone’s attention, and she was hot. (Female bassists are always hot.) The band started playing and I thought they were pretty decent at first until suddenly, the singer kept going off key. It was so obvious. Then it became a huge waste of life, and the crowd was incredibly rude to them anyway, swearing and trying to make them leave. This was around the time people started pushing everybody around.

Experience numero dos: Getting sardined by thousands of people pushing you for no reason. There’s basically no room to stand on your own and you had to lean on someone else just to stand up straight. After The Art finished and we had to wait some more before Mars got onstage, the pushing got so much worse. It was the most uncomfortable experience I’d ever had, not even because people were just all up on each other. Nobody could breathe and it was so fucking hot in there. I was sweating buckets. We almost fell over on each other countless times and at other points, were just floating from left to right, getting crushed in our middles. I almost lost my belongings. Mario was surrounded by girls, which was fucking hilarious to me. Most of the people around us were total sweethearts though. We were stepping all over each other — some girls with high heels, goddamnit — but nobody was a bitch about it. I kept getting Michelle’s hair in my mouth, since my face was basically right in her hair the whole time. Not that I could’ve done anything about that. The bouncers were no help either. They probably enjoyed seeing us suffer or something. To let off steam, we just swore our heads off along with everybody else (it really helped).

The three of us tried so hard to stay together as a group, but eventually Michelle got separated from Mario and me a little after Thirty Seconds to Mars finally came out. The sad thing was, by then I was incredibly pissed off at the shit crowd. I don’t know exactly what went down, but I think they were just trying to create their stupid mosh pit and it ended up nearly killing everybody else. I was really uncomfortable, felt like throwing up and fainting, and I was getting dehydrated. I was afraid I would start having a panic attack or something, since it was so scary, and I was starting to wonder if it was even worth it and then the band came out. I think I went, “FUCK YEAH FINALLY.” since I was so angry haha! It was just frustrating, being so uncomfortable.

Mario and I were naturally pushed (as in, people just kept coming and we moved backwards in reaction) further and further away from the stage, and just when I thought I’d already had enough, we landed in the fucking mosh pit with the crazies. I’m sorry to the people who genuinely enjoy moshing, but I do not. I don’t see the appeal in running into each other like bullet trains, injuring one another, when some people just want to enjoy a good fucking show. Dancing is fine. Even pushing is fine. Just don’t be violent. Well, that’s me anyway. I am so grateful right now that I had Mario with me, since he was basically a shield (he’s not big or anything, just taller than I am and at least there was a person I could cling onto). He wouldn’t read this, but I’d really like to apologise for looking so down and out for the longest time though. I think it impeded on his “rocking out” experience. :S Damn. I couldn’t help it though.

I couldn’t enjoy the first few songs as much as I wanted to, because of the damn mosh pit, but we moved further and further until we finally got out, even though we were still at the fringe of it and were sort of still getting hit. Once I was out of it and could get a whiff of fresh air, it was so much more invigorating and made it easier for me to loosen up and enjoy myself. However I was exhausted, so I didn’t really jump around or freak out. I remained more subdued for the rest of the concert. I wasn’t actually upset that we moved so far back, to be honest. At that point, I just wanted to hear the music and get lost in it, like what I usually do when I go for gigs.

So this was the setlist (in no order, since I can’t remember it haha):
01. Escape
02. Night of the Hunter
03. Attack
04. Vox Populi
05. A Beautiful Lie
06. This Is War
07. 100 Suns
08. Search and Destroy
09. From Yesterday (acoustic)
10. Alibi (acoustic)
11. Hurricane (acoustic)
12. The Kill
13. Closer to the Edge
14. Buddha for Mary
15. Capricorn (A Brand New Name)
16. Kings and Queens

Unsure if I missed any songs, but that was basically it. I know I said it was in no order, but I’m pretty sure that’s the actual order of the songs played. My favourites included the acoustic versions. Alibi was so fucking beautiful I could have cried. And Hurricane. NO WORDS. It was amazing. The Kill was incredibly epic. But my biggest joy came when they played Buddha for Mary. It’s my favourite song off their self-titled album, I honestly didn’t think they’d play it, and the funny thing was that when they performed it (and subsequently created a bigger mosh pit, the fuckers ;D), nobody else was really singing along. I was proud to say I did though.

Right before the acoustic songs, the whole stage went so black and we were like “what the hell is going on”. People were suddenly turning to the back of the venue (near where Mario and I were), where there was a lone microphone stand. Jared actually went up there to sing, and that’s how I got amazing close-ups of that wonderful man. Despite not showing it very much, I was really really really happy :)

Just look at that sexy beast. And his voice was angelic, especially on these stripped down numbers. Whenever he did the “arena rock” esque songs like Vox Populi and Closer to the Edge, they were amazing, but Jared just didn’t sing much. He wanted the crowd to do it since “it’s your fucking show”. He loved seeing people go crazy, and totally encouraged the mosh pit. Damn you, Leto ;) He’s hilarious in concert though. It’s like he thinks out loud and just says stuff into the microphone. He’d stop the show halfway and talk about something random. Something like, “WHOA BOOBIES!” His talkativeness was really funny, and so endearing!

I was genuinely upset when it all ended so quickly. It felt like they’d only been playing for half an hour, when their setlist (as I’ve listed and just realised) was pretty long. The band closed with Kings and Queens, and invited so many people (like 20 or more) onstage to sing it with them. It was beyond epic and mind-blowing, and those lucky buggers that did go up sure enjoyed themselves ;) I was just glad to be there, despite all the crap that I had to put up with e.g. heavy people stepping on me and fat smelly dudes blocking my view. But that should have been expected in a concert like this. I just didn’t think it would have been this crazy. I mean, this is Thirty Seconds to Mars, and no offence, but they’re not Metallica or Maiden or something scary like that. At least now I know :) I probably wouldn’t want to mosh again any time soon — I’m aching all over — but it was so totally worth it. Starving in the rain, getting spit on, being elbowed in the boobs, getting knocked on the head, getting crushed till I couldn’t breathe, being stepped on by women in three-inch heels, smelling like a dumpster and bad perfume…and a myriad of other things. All of that was completely wonderful in hindsight because of what I got to experience last night. The music was terrific, the crowd was mostly genuinely amazing, the acoustics were wonderful (I could hear more than the sub bass), and I just can’t wait to see the band again. Mars should be back for Soundwave 2011, which I will almost definitely attend now due to their commitment to it. To keep it short, last night was magical, and I won’t ever forget it.

Natural Decay

No alibi…we’re fading faster than the speed of light.

MOVED

Decisions, decisions.

We all fall short of glory, lost in ourselves.

Not a bad day.

INTO THE WILD: Thirty Seconds to Mars LIVE

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