30 Seconds to Mars lyrics leave plenty to be desired (I love them, but in terms of lyrical depth, Jared doesn’t always do it for me), but Closer to the Edge is a really powerful song. Definitely one of my favourites. And it reminds me that the final line-up for Soundwave is spectacular, but I won’t go on about another live show for awhile. I need to find more topics to talk about.
Today is the motherland’s National Day. It’s also the day Nagasaki got bombed in 1945, which is something I find so bittersweet. Singapore gets the liberation, Nagasaki is trapped. Sometimes I get so conflicted that I don’t know what to feel.
As usual, there is a lack of cohesion. I’ve actually tried to write a real, collected blog entry for days and have failed very miserably. I always go off on tangents, and never end up with anything substantial. Half the time, I finish and forget what I’d intended for the entry in the first place. So it’s best to just go with the flow. Let’s make something disjointed.
If I ever met a clone of myself, I might shoot her. I’m not as angsty about myself as I used to be (on most days), but honestly, what do my friends see? Am I more annoying than I think? What should I do about that? I don’t really want to know what people think of me too much of course. The brutal honesty of it might murder us all. We’re all so imperfect and I don’t want to be swallowed up by those imperfections (knowing me, I would if someone had made them all known). But I’ve been particularly hateful towards people these days — all kept in my head of course — and I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not exactly low maintenance. I guess on some days, having to keep up with friendships is just hard and I wonder why the fuck I bother. I try so hard to please all my friends that I end up with a lacklustre response from all of them. I don’t want anybody to be left out, but I know nobody has the exact same tastes all the damn time. It doesn’t make me any less guilty about my inability to capacitate and engage all of them though. It’s not an issue that can be resolved of course. I just have to try my best. Today, I almost gave up on it.
I think I just miss my family back home a bit too much at the moment — even all my friends in Singapore because of what we’ve built together. I miss being able to talk to them about so many things. I miss feeling heard.
