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I’m so annoying, I know ;)

Today is the motherland’s National Day. It’s also the day Nagasaki got bombed in 1945, which is something I find so bittersweet. Singapore gets the liberation, Nagasaki is trapped. Sometimes I get so conflicted that I don’t know what to feel.

As usual, there is a lack of cohesion. I’ve actually tried to write a real, collected blog entry for days and have failed very miserably. I always go off on tangents, and never end up with anything substantial. Half the time, I finish and forget what I’d intended for the entry in the first place. So it’s best to just go with the flow. Let’s make something disjointed.

If I ever met a clone of myself, I might shoot her. I’m not as angsty about myself as I used to be (on most days), but honestly, what do my friends see? Am I more annoying than I think? What should I do about that? I don’t really want to know what people think of me too much of course. The brutal honesty of it might murder us all. We’re all so imperfect and I don’t want to be swallowed up by those imperfections (knowing me, I would if someone had made them all known). But I’ve been particularly hateful towards people these days — all kept in my head of course — and I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not exactly low maintenance. I guess on some days, having to keep up with friendships is just hard and I wonder why the fuck I bother. I try so hard to please all my friends that I end up with a lacklustre response from all of them. I don’t want anybody to be left out, but I know nobody has the exact same tastes all the damn time. It doesn’t make me any less guilty about my inability to capacitate and engage all of them though. It’s not an issue that can be resolved of course. I just have to try my best. Today, I almost gave up on it.

I think I just miss my family back home a bit too much at the moment — even all my friends in Singapore because of what we’ve built together. I miss being able to talk to them about so many things. I miss feeling heard.

• Bought Nightmare, the Grease original soundtrack (it’s hilariously glorious!) and the True Blood season 1 original soundtrack at JB Hi-Fi.
• Bought two biographies. A Green Day one, and a Freddie Mercury one.
• Was supposed to get Anthony Rapp’s Without You memoir, but apparently I have to order it online since it’s only published in the States. Sigh.
• Had awesome laksa.
• Saw cosplayers. I’m no anime/manga fan by any means, but there was a man in a Pikachu costume. Hilarious stuff.
• Passed a political rally about asylum seekers. This made me really upset though.
• Imitated Darrell (you know, MadTV. If you don’t, either shoot yourself [jk] or find it on youtube) in a cinema.
• Saw Inception for the second time. Do I need to explain myself yet again? Haha. Definitely going for a third time if I can. More information is revealed with each viewing, I swear. A deeper understanding was gained.
• Bought a hamburger phone! :) You know. Like Juno.

It was a lot of fun. I love my friends so much.

This blog entry had no point. I promise more insightful material in the future. I just wanted to document this I suppose.

I don’t know if anybody else gets this feeling, but after I see a live show, I come home feeling like I don’t know what to do with myself. It seems pathetic, but I go, “What is my life now?” after a show ends because I get so pumped about it and I revolve my life around preparing to go to something so epic. Basically, I make a big deal out of it. But who wouldn’t?

Anyway, my experience with Thirty Seconds to Mars last night was just that. An experience. It was one of the biggest fucking experiences in my life. I definitely did not anticipate half of what happened there last night, because I honestly don’t have experience with these sorts of things. I can say now that I don’t regret a single moment, even though I honestly felt like I was going to die during the concert itself.  Recounting it minute to minute is hard, since everything is a blur — it all went by too quickly! — but I’ll try my best, mainly because I want to remember last night for what it was: amazing.

So I went to the show with two of my friends, Michelle and Mario, both are big enough Mars fans to actually be completely ecstatic about going, so we were pretty pumped up the entire day. We had school in the morning/early afternoon, but obviously it was hard to concentrate, at least on my part. I kept thinking about the possibilities of being a part of such an epic show (I knew it was epic since This Is War is just that kind of record that will work perfectly live) with people who were equally excited. We weren’t exactly early when we arrived — we got lost thanks to me actually — but when we made it there the queue hadn’t stretched too far. I don’t know what we expected, but there were people there who’d been waiting since the morning. We were still pretty lucky.

Standing around waiting outside was the usual fare: boring, aching feet, restlessness, listening in on other people’s conversations unintentionally, observing how other fans dressed. We wanted to do our faces with “war paint” and it turned out that we were the only ones who actually bothered with that. That was pretty rad. When we finally got in, we sneaked water into the venue since the security was being a bitch and making everybody throw their water out. That is actually the worst rule I’d ever heard of since everybody knows how dehydrated you can get during concerts and the water the security passes around is hardly enough. But I digress. We went inside and got excited because when we got in, we managed to get really close to the stage.

This was experience numero uno: I’d never been this close to a stage at a rock show before. I hadn’t even been a part of a real mosh pit. So I was basically so excited I nearly wet myself. We were squished in with a bunch of people, but while waiting everyone was okay. Just taking photos, photo-bombing, throwing trash around, (probably) getting drunk, the works. Nothing special. We waited for a fair bit indoors for the opening band.

They were called The Art, and they were a local Sydney band if I heard right. They reminded me of Escape the Fate a lot, with their clothes, hair, screaming, and other basic musicalities. They had a female bass player, which caught everyone’s attention, and she was hot. (Female bassists are always hot.) The band started playing and I thought they were pretty decent at first until suddenly, the singer kept going off key. It was so obvious. Then it became a huge waste of life, and the crowd was incredibly rude to them anyway, swearing and trying to make them leave. This was around the time people started pushing everybody around.

Experience numero dos: Getting sardined by thousands of people pushing you for no reason. There’s basically no room to stand on your own and you had to lean on someone else just to stand up straight. After The Art finished and we had to wait some more before Mars got onstage, the pushing got so much worse. It was the most uncomfortable experience I’d ever had, not even because people were just all up on each other. Nobody could breathe and it was so fucking hot in there. I was sweating buckets. We almost fell over on each other countless times and at other points, were just floating from left to right, getting crushed in our middles. I almost lost my belongings. Mario was surrounded by girls, which was fucking hilarious to me. Most of the people around us were total sweethearts though. We were stepping all over each other — some girls with high heels, goddamnit — but nobody was a bitch about it. I kept getting Michelle’s hair in my mouth, since my face was basically right in her hair the whole time. Not that I could’ve done anything about that. The bouncers were no help either. They probably enjoyed seeing us suffer or something. To let off steam, we just swore our heads off along with everybody else (it really helped).

The three of us tried so hard to stay together as a group, but eventually Michelle got separated from Mario and me a little after Thirty Seconds to Mars finally came out. The sad thing was, by then I was incredibly pissed off at the shit crowd. I don’t know exactly what went down, but I think they were just trying to create their stupid mosh pit and it ended up nearly killing everybody else. I was really uncomfortable, felt like throwing up and fainting, and I was getting dehydrated. I was afraid I would start having a panic attack or something, since it was so scary, and I was starting to wonder if it was even worth it and then the band came out. I think I went, “FUCK YEAH FINALLY.” since I was so angry haha! It was just frustrating, being so uncomfortable.

Mario and I were naturally pushed (as in, people just kept coming and we moved backwards in reaction) further and further away from the stage, and just when I thought I’d already had enough, we landed in the fucking mosh pit with the crazies. I’m sorry to the people who genuinely enjoy moshing, but I do not. I don’t see the appeal in running into each other like bullet trains, injuring one another, when some people just want to enjoy a good fucking show. Dancing is fine. Even pushing is fine. Just don’t be violent. Well, that’s me anyway. I am so grateful right now that I had Mario with me, since he was basically a shield (he’s not big or anything, just taller than I am and at least there was a person I could cling onto). He wouldn’t read this, but I’d really like to apologise for looking so down and out for the longest time though. I think it impeded on his “rocking out” experience. :S Damn. I couldn’t help it though.

I couldn’t enjoy the first few songs as much as I wanted to, because of the damn mosh pit, but we moved further and further until we finally got out, even though we were still at the fringe of it and were sort of still getting hit. Once I was out of it and could get a whiff of fresh air, it was so much more invigorating and made it easier for me to loosen up and enjoy myself. However I was exhausted, so I didn’t really jump around or freak out. I remained more subdued for the rest of the concert. I wasn’t actually upset that we moved so far back, to be honest. At that point, I just wanted to hear the music and get lost in it, like what I usually do when I go for gigs.

So this was the setlist (in no order, since I can’t remember it haha):
01. Escape
02. Night of the Hunter
03. Attack
04. Vox Populi
05. A Beautiful Lie
06. This Is War
07. 100 Suns
08. Search and Destroy
09. From Yesterday (acoustic)
10. Alibi (acoustic)
11. Hurricane (acoustic)
12. The Kill
13. Closer to the Edge
14. Buddha for Mary
15. Capricorn (A Brand New Name)
16. Kings and Queens

Unsure if I missed any songs, but that was basically it. I know I said it was in no order, but I’m pretty sure that’s the actual order of the songs played. My favourites included the acoustic versions. Alibi was so fucking beautiful I could have cried. And Hurricane. NO WORDS. It was amazing. The Kill was incredibly epic. But my biggest joy came when they played Buddha for Mary. It’s my favourite song off their self-titled album, I honestly didn’t think they’d play it, and the funny thing was that when they performed it (and subsequently created a bigger mosh pit, the fuckers ;D), nobody else was really singing along. I was proud to say I did though.

Right before the acoustic songs, the whole stage went so black and we were like “what the hell is going on”. People were suddenly turning to the back of the venue (near where Mario and I were), where there was a lone microphone stand. Jared actually went up there to sing, and that’s how I got amazing close-ups of that wonderful man. Despite not showing it very much, I was really really really happy :)

Just look at that sexy beast. And his voice was angelic, especially on these stripped down numbers. Whenever he did the “arena rock” esque songs like Vox Populi and Closer to the Edge, they were amazing, but Jared just didn’t sing much. He wanted the crowd to do it since “it’s your fucking show”. He loved seeing people go crazy, and totally encouraged the mosh pit. Damn you, Leto ;) He’s hilarious in concert though. It’s like he thinks out loud and just says stuff into the microphone. He’d stop the show halfway and talk about something random. Something like, “WHOA BOOBIES!” His talkativeness was really funny, and so endearing!

I was genuinely upset when it all ended so quickly. It felt like they’d only been playing for half an hour, when their setlist (as I’ve listed and just realised) was pretty long. The band closed with Kings and Queens, and invited so many people (like 20 or more) onstage to sing it with them. It was beyond epic and mind-blowing, and those lucky buggers that did go up sure enjoyed themselves ;) I was just glad to be there, despite all the crap that I had to put up with e.g. heavy people stepping on me and fat smelly dudes blocking my view. But that should have been expected in a concert like this. I just didn’t think it would have been this crazy. I mean, this is Thirty Seconds to Mars, and no offence, but they’re not Metallica or Maiden or something scary like that. At least now I know :) I probably wouldn’t want to mosh again any time soon — I’m aching all over — but it was so totally worth it. Starving in the rain, getting spit on, being elbowed in the boobs, getting knocked on the head, getting crushed till I couldn’t breathe, being stepped on by women in three-inch heels, smelling like a dumpster and bad perfume…and a myriad of other things. All of that was completely wonderful in hindsight because of what I got to experience last night. The music was terrific, the crowd was mostly genuinely amazing, the acoustics were wonderful (I could hear more than the sub bass), and I just can’t wait to see the band again. Mars should be back for Soundwave 2011, which I will almost definitely attend now due to their commitment to it. To keep it short, last night was magical, and I won’t ever forget it.

1. Something Green Day related.
Bits from their album artwork is the most plausible thing. I’m not a fan of tattooing song lyrics on bodies unless it’s absolutely relevant to someone throughout their lives — even though Billie’s lyrics are the best. No, I won’t put their faces on my body. I can barely stand posters. (It’s true! I don’t put up posters because I always feel like they watch me while I go about my daily activities and…I just hate that. It makes me feel uncomfortable!) No way can I endure such a thing haha.

2. Something Avenged Sevenfold related.
Not the death bat. At least, not for the moment. I love that thing, but I wouldn’t get a tiny one tattooed on me — I find it looks better the bigger it is — and I’m not sure how I’d feel about getting big pieces on me. I’m a coward (surprisingly not to needles, just to the *immense* pain that I always associate with tattooing) so sitting through too long a process would probably kill me. Which leaves the question of what to get, eh? foREVer is cheesy but I want one. There.

3. “I Believe”
A couple of things: it’s a Spring Awakening reference, and Lea Michele has it, and it’s a versatile thing to have on my body for the rest of my life. Win? Win.
(Okay, I’m obsessed with Lea, get over it; but just so people won’t think me a creep, I won’t do it exactly like hers, sheesh!)

4. “Be strong and of good courage.”
It’s a Bible reference, more specifically Joshua 1: 9 — one of my favourite verses.

Yeah, easy to talk about all this in theory, I would imagine :) I really hope to at least pull off one of those things eventually. My mum would have a heart attack though. But how about you guys? Do you want/will you get tattoos? Are you certain over what you want?

There is too much emotional baggage attached to Avenged Sevenfold’s Nightmare record to even properly do a review on it. I mean, I’m a huge fan of the band, for one. People would pigeonhole me as just being an Avenged fangirl with no basis but no matter. In reality, my own bias aside, Nightmare is a really strong record. I knew it from the first couple of tracks. I had a feeling it would be epic from their eponymous single, and had high expectations, but was also prepared for a lot of disappointment because honestly, I love Jimmy and to know that he’s not on the record kind of made me sceptical. All respect to Mike Portnoy (who is awesome in his own right), but he’s no Jimmy. Still, I found myself thoroughly enjoying the record. It’s still not the same, though. To be honest, I’ve heard everything A7X has put out and with all of that in the cooking pot, Nightmare sounds pretty foreign, and it’s not even just the absence of The Rev’s memorable drumming. Portnoy is, as aforementioned, excellent to replace him on this, but there is still something else missing. The vocals are pretty much the best M’s ever provided, so that’s not it. There are infectious grooves throughout the album, and it’s perfect hard rock with groove metal infused between the notes.

If I had to pinpoint it, it’s probably the darkness, and the fact that they’d all grown up decades after Jimmy’s passing, which then contributes the lack of masturbatory guitar solos from virtuoso Synyster. Lack of the crazy, “let’s do it for its sake” musicalities. The risks haven’t necessarily diminished to nothing, but most definitely  if Jimmy was still around recording this, the finished product wouldn’t be as cynical and stricken. In some ways it all works in the album’s favour, but this isn’t the good, old Avenged Sevenfold fans are used to hearing anymore. It’s very obvious that they recorded this album as a send-off, and the future of the band is going to be up in the air; in limbo from now on. Part of the spirit of the band is gone. Which is the only reason I wouldn’t give Nightmare a full five out of five. For sentimental reasons. Otherwise, it’s absolutely, in a technical sense, perfect. They absolutely delivered and I am proud of them.

Best tracks: Welcome to the Family, So Far Away, God Hates Us, Victim, Fiction

(I miss it when it was still like this, but we’re all going to be okay eventually. <3)

• Saw Inception just as it opened in Singapore. I won’t talk about it here because I go on and on and honestly, everyone’s said everything for me. I can say that this film really elicits discussion and that’s my favourite thing about it. The performances were top notch. Blood Diamond is still my favourite Leo performance, but this one comes super close. I don’t even know why he doesn’t have his Oscar yet. JGL comes into his own as Arthur, and he had the best fight scene that creates all sorts of wonderful tumblr jokes. The rest of the supporting cast was perfect in their roles as well. It’s just a film you need to pay attention to while watching. It’s not brainless at all.
• I’m back in Sydney for my third term. I got results for my first semester and I’m clocking in a 93% overall which I am fucking smug about. Individual grades? English – 91%; Government – 91%; Social Science — 88%; Media – 94%; Australian Geography — 97%
• I’ve been sleeping a bit too much since it’s winter and I find it just nice to snuggle up under the covers after school, rather than, you know, do constructive things like work out and stuff.
• I’m seeing 30 Seconds to Mars on Friday. I know I sound like I’m not excited at all, but I’m just containing myself ;) Michelle even has a “time to go to war” countdown!
• My indulgence in musical theatre seems to know no boundaries. I’m going to even use it for my Social Science assignment. Current obsession? RENT. I want to marry Anthony Rapp’s voice.
• I need to eat dinner now so I’ll end this list here.

A lot of girls I know can watch tear-jerkers but automatically switch to rom-coms when they want a laugh. Me? My idea of a fun flick is watching a ton of dudes slap each other around, with totally wooden female supports. Why else would I like films like Transformers? Their emotional depth is minimal at best and it’s, according to some, basically noise. But I can deal with that. Heck, I can deal with it better than I deal with overly romantic scenes in film. I might be a die-hard romantic sometimes, but if I had a choice I wouldn’t ever watch rom-coms.

It’s not even to say rom-coms are bad. Hell, some of the ones I’ve seen I’ve really enjoyed — Love Actually, Valentine’s Day (basically an American version of the former) — but I definitely don’t do it voluntarily. As in, if I was the one to pick a film on a popcorn movie night, I wouldn’t say, “Hey, want to watch 17 Again?” I wouldn’t even say “let’s watch a Pixar animated flick”, I’d go straight to the action films, preferably those with crazy explosions and fight scenes. Yeah, I’m kind of a little boy at heart when it comes to my popcorn flicks. If a girlfriend asks me to watch like…I don’t know…When In Rome (ugh) with them, I’d groan inwardly, go see it, and probably even like it. I probably don’t have any taste with rom-coms. I just watch them all, and find them all average but quite likeable. I actually honestly haven’t seen a romantic comedy I hated.

Basically, for every girly rom-com I’ve seen, I’ve been coerced into doing so. Just like how I persuade people (well, gal pals) to sit through movies like Armageddon with me. Or Transformers. (…Michael Bay films…) Or anything that basically has too much noise, CGI (which could range from passable to wonderful) and sweaty dudes bitch slapping each other (I realised that in A-Team, it was obvious some fists never actually made contact with face/skull)

And the point of this entry was…nothing. It’s just a little snippet of personal information that nobody needs to know about, unless they plan to buy me a DVD for my birthday/for Christmas :) I would prefer a good dramatic film like 21 Grams or The Pianist, but if you insist on making me watch a “fun” movie, anything action floats my boat.

Life has been completely and utterly uneventful so I’ve resorted to living in the world of film. I’ve recently watched Toy Story 3 and really liked it — going to see A-Team soon. On my flight back, I caught Shutter Island and can’t stop re-watching it and getting twisted over that ending.

By the way, my ability to edit CSS has gone out the window because I haven’t legitimately done any web design in so long. I spent forever trying to figure out how to put a header on my tumblr page. Oh dear.

So the point of this: My top five Green Day videos :) I like lists, they make for good blog material, so here we go!

05. Walking Contradiction

I feel like this every single day — so destructive!

04. Waiting

The face Billie makes at the very end ;)

03. Wake Me Up When September Ends

It’s a depressing video that makes me cry. It’s really hard to describe what this video actually means to me. It’s just really special.

02. Holiday

Between Billie in those nerdy glasses, Tre dressed as a woman and random car riding, I don’t know what more can I ask for in a music video. So much fun!

01. 21 Guns/Jesus of Suburbia

I really can’t choose between them. Really. Just watch both of them and tell me you *don’t* feel something. Go on.